Over on my Instagram, I asked if you would like me to revisit the topic of Heartbreak to Wholeness, talking about breakups, rejection, healing etc…y’all said yes! What I am going to do is do a series of Instagram Live talks where we’ll be talking about all of it. Stay tuned for dates!
In preparation for our talks, in the interim, I took some questions from you guys and I will be looking at these in the blogs leading up to the talks.
So… Should I let go of him/her and if I should when should that be?
Having a crisis in a relationship is not uncommon, in fact oftentimes it is the bad times that make a couple stronger. Crucially, because of the work that both parties put in. The first thing I would say is a really obvious point but one that we cannot avoid in this scenario…
Ask God specific questions and look out for the answer
As much as we can advise each other and share tips, God has the answers to your circumstance and roadmap to your life. The Bible says we should seek God first and everything flows after that (Matthew 6:33). God created relationship and marriage, He cares about yours more than you know. So, ask God and be honest with Him about how you are feeling. After you ask your questions, look out for the answers – God speaks in so many different ways. You could ask God to confirm what He is saying to you through dreams, the words of other people, scripture; but actively look for the answer. And when the answer comes, act on it when and how God says.
To encourage someone who already knows the answer or gets an answer from God that is not what you want, remember obedience is better than sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22-23). God sees the bigger picture of your life and He will reward your obedience and carry you through, because God is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).
It is totally ok to ask God for clarity, or ask the same question on repetition if you do not feel you have your answer. Remember, God is not the author of confusion, that’s the enemy. Call on the Spirit of Truth (the Holy Spirit) to show you the correct answer and course of action.
Secondly…
Actions speak louder than words
When a person’s words and actions do not line up, that is a huge indication of a person’s heart posture towards you. If you are having difficulty assessing if and when is a good time to let someone go or indeed if you should, look at their words and actions and see if they line up. Ultimately, people will treat you how you allow them to, so it is important that if you do see actions that are contrary to your boundaries, to have a conversation about it with the person. Jumping to conclusions is harmful for both parties, so ask the questions because it then gives the other party the opportunity to say… “I acted like this because …..”. Whatever the reasoning is, you will know where you stand and that can inform your decision to hold on and work it out or let go in times of crisis.
I guess the point I am making is, sometimes you do not need someone to say “I’m not in this relationship anymore” or “I’m having doubts about us”; based on someone’s actions you will have a gut feeling. Do not ignore the signs or accept treatment that is less than you deserve. You are a King/Queen after all. As mentioned, to get through tough times in a relationship requires active participation and 100% effort coming from both parties.
Thirdly…
Pay attention to how you are feeling
God gives us a better indication of when He is not in a situation because ‘The blessing of the LORD makes a person rich, and he adds no sorrow with it’ (Proverbs 10:22 NLT); another version describes sorrow as ‘painful toil’. A relationship that is from God will make you rich in peace, rich in progressing into your purpose, emotionally, and spiritually; these are the signs you should look for in deciding if you should hold on.
If however, you feel pain, sadness or low self worth/esteem as a result of being in the relationship, that could be a sign that the relationship is not heaven sent. If it ain’t heaven sent, let go and let it go as soon as you have that revelation. Where God is, there is peace… 2 Corinthians 3:17 says where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.
Lastly…
Do not be ignorant to the enemy’s devices
This is for a small group of people that know that they know, that this man/woman is their person and it has been confirmed over and over by God. The enemy hates marriage and if that’s where God has confirmed you are headed, you can almost always expect an attack. The Bible says do not be ignorant to satan’s devices (2 Corinthians 2:11), he comes to steal, kill and destroy. Stay in prayer because if this is you and God is saying hold on and fight, you will know. I go back to point one, ask God, look out for the answer and heed God’s instructions; always be sensitive to what God is saying.
For Part Two next week, we are going to be talking about when to let go and how to let go from a different perspective – when you are the one having doubts. God has given me an angle to go in with on this topic and I am excited to share it with y’all.
For Questions, comments, more discussion points, let’s chat in the comments section below 🙂
God bless you.
Love
Dom xx
