Addressing Jealousy…. (part 2) Psychological effect and physiological responses

Welcome back to the blog and thank you for being here as we continue this blog series on addressing jealousy. 

First a little recap. In part one we addressed biblical laws and principles that might be the cause of someone doing great. But ultimately, we established that a) that is none of our business, and b) someone else’s doing well does not diminish the value of our gift. We discussed jealousy being a fear (false evidence appearing real) response, and that entertaining the falsehood that someone doing well means you are not, is part of the deception of the enemy. It is true when scripture says comparison is the thief of joy. Ultimately, I wanted you to see, know and understand that your life and your gifts are valuable, and that in God’s perfect timing He will make room for you wherever He has already ordained your gift to fit (if you hold up your end and do the work). 

Psychological effect

Jealousy is not about the person you are jealous of, it is about you. Psychologists would say that jealousy in someone is a symptom of a psychological ill (that may stem back from an earlier trauma). People who feel insecure, inadequate or dependent and/ or suffer low self-esteem, are more likely to experience jealousy. Making matters more complex, jealousy does not usually come alone. Suddenly, anger, resentment, hurt and anxiety take the floor of your heart and mind, and that then causes people to act or speak from those places. This is not a place that any of us should be operating from… We have all heard the phrase ‘hurt people, hurt people’.  

Good psychological health then is about healing, to the end of feeling secure in yourself, being confident and from a faith perspective, being independently dependent on Christ. That is a person who is less likely to experience the lasting effects of jealousy and then subsequently act on it. 

We are human. Feeling envious or jealous of someone, I would argue is natural. So feeling it is not the harmful part, the harmful part (for yourself and others) is allowing that feeling to take root in your belief system, your words and actions.

Physiological responses

To expand briefly, physiological responses arise spontaneously and naturally. They are a direct result of your emotions and psychological reasoning. So those emotions we spoke about above, anger for example, and now add sadness, grief, moodiness, irritability, happen just because. Ya’ll ever had a moment where jealousy hits and all of a sudden you are annoyed or feel sadness. To be transparent, I would feel so angry and irritated when I saw happy couples on the gram or even in person because I was triggered from a past hurt from a relationship, I was also dealing with low-self esteem.

This is why it is important to heal and deal with your psyche, because you wont even have to work at or try to be angry, feel sad or be depressed after experiencing jealousy. If you do not address psychological ills, natural physiological responses follow, and if you act accordingly the consequences are pretty ugly.

Case Study – King Saul & David

Very short backstory, King Saul was fighting a war with the Philistines and there was a giant called Goliath who challenged a soldier to a one-on-one battle and basically then the war would be done out. Noone was on it, but a shepherd boy called David was, and King Saul permitted him to go. As you know, David killed Goliath and after that became famous. He had songs sung about him, people loved him and King Saul couldn’t stand this. A few things to note here: 

1. Saul’s envy of David couldn’t change the fact that David was in line to be King

King Saul tried to kill David multiple times. He deployed armies after David. He even sent armies after David when they were in active war against the philistines. He went to a fortune teller (which in those days was punishable by death)… King Saul went to great lengths to try and capture David, all embarrassingly without success. I can only imagine the mounting matters of a kingdom there is to attend to. If King Saul would have been focused on being a good King to his people, rather than chasing David out of jealousy, history might have remembered him differently. If you let jealousy take hold, it distorts your story. 

2. King Saul wanted David’s fame without David’s sacrifice

Very important one here. Noone wanted to face Goliath, the King could have been the hero and save the day. But it was David who had the guts, fortitude and faith in God to take on a giant. God used Saul to say yes to David and ultimately Israel won and King Saul was still King. We can’t claim victory to a battle we did not fight. Behind someone’s success, we’ll never know the years of no, disappointment, sacrifice, pain and courage. For many of us we would opt out to carry the cross they had to. The bigger the platform, the more followers, the more customers… the higher the level of responsibility and sacrifice. Serious question, are you about that life?

3. When David had a chance to get one up on Saul, David chose grace & reverence

Scripture shows at least x2 clear “gotcha” moments when David could have killed Saul, when Saul was going after David. Again, it is very embarrassing for Saul at this point. In those moments David chose grace and to honour Saul, because he at that time was God’s chosen as King. Honouring people, even when they do not like you and keep coming for you, is showing you honour God. David must have had moral fibre of steel in those moments. But we can too, how else are people going to know that we represent the Kingdom of Heaven if we react like the world and treat people like the world.

There was something about David’s win and the popularity which came with it that King Saul hated. We needed David. David was a key contributor to the scriptures and David’s genealogy goes all the way to Christ Jesus, so King Saul couldn’t take him out. Saul would have done better just focusing on his reign as King. It is always a waste of time to come out of your assignment to spend even a minute focusing on someone else’s (save for it it is to celebrate them). In the words of Drake, “I will never trip over something that aint mine”. 

To conclude this blog, there is always duality. The good comes with the bad, success comes with sacrifice. Any successful person had to make sacrifices and fight battles that we won’t know about. We are better to focus on our own tasks at hand, foster love towards others and heal from our past traumas so the natural and ugly effects of jealousy do not manifest. 

I hope you enjoyed this one and I hope to see you back for the part three where we’ll be talking about some practical tips to overcome jealousy.

Lots of love, 

Dom